When God closes a door

I know this is a familiar phrase to lots of us and I know that it reminds us that God holds our future and He alone knows what is behind each door. I know it reminds us that He knows what is best and directs us to what he would have for us. This is all true. But, can I just tell you that it's not always the most comforting thing to hear. When someone is looking at the door that he/she was hoping to be the bright future ... to see it close brings such a cascade of emotions and questions that it can be overwhelming. I know this because I've experienced it more than once and yesterday was one of them.

Yesterday, God closed the door that I have been hoping would be the one for me to walk through. I have dreamt of the ministry there, yearned for the promised life I could lead there ... but now the door into that future is closed. I know that God holds my future and I do indeed trust Him with it, and yet my initial response to the closed door was...

What?!

Anger rushed in with: How can this be? I've waited. I've prayed. It all seemed so right. What went wrong?   And, then the realization that the possibilities - the doors for my future suddenly diminished. Fear and worry flooded over with: What am I going to do? Where will I live? How will I live without an income? And, they challenged my future with: What if there won't be another door? What if work doesn't come? What if there is no one there to take care of me in the far future? What if...? What if...? What if...? In that moment I forgot that I am in the all-powerful and all-knowing Hands of God.

Isn't that just like the enemy? On Sunday I celebrated the glory and wonder and joy of Christ's Resurrection and only days later the pounding temptation of anger, fear, and worry arrived at my door. Of course they did ... the enemy sent them to drown me, to undermine my faith, to tempt me to forever forget God's all-powerful and all-knowing Hands that hold me. Thanks be to that God that my sister was there when I watched the door close before me. She helped me walk through my anger and hurt. She listened and waited as I wrestled and struggled with my questions. She gave no pat answers, no trite responses. She reminded me that I am in the all-powerful and all-knowing Hands of God. She reminded me that He has always ... ALWAYS ... taken care of me. She knows this because she knows me ... how I have lived life to now. I have never gone without. I have never lacked for any good thing. In fact, all good things have come from God. ALL good things. For you see, I live and move and have my being in the all-powerful and all-knowing Hands of God. I know this and I believe this. This means I cannot drown in anger, fear, or worry unless I do it myself.

Does this mean I will never experience these emotions? Obviously not. But, it does mean that I do not need to wallow in them, I do not need to allow them to flood in through the door of my mind and heart and let them live there. In fact, I close the door to them. I close it with the help of others, my sister in this case, and with prayer. The Jesus Prayer has become my "shield of faith and sword of truth" against these foes that tempt me to forget. When my lips fill with the prayer, my heart and my mind turn from anger, fear, and worry to the One who defeated them, to the One who holds me in His Hands. My mind quiets. My heart stills. And, I remember. I remember this past Sunday ... and the Amazing Grace that opens doors to a life of joy and thanksgiving and peace and rest.

This morning a friend sent me an email of Wintley Phipps rendition of Amazing Grace. I've seen it many times before, but it always fills me with remembrance of God's love for me ... and you ... for us. Take a listen and I pray you will find courage for whatever doors you may face today.